Fasting is at times lonely and difficult. Not every moment of it is filled with blessed times of the Holy Spirit`s touch. Often my dreams are filled with not visions of God`s glory, but of very real dreams of me eating. Afterwards I awake to the reality that I am fasting and that there are more weeks ahead. Yet it is a special time, for all my life I will eat, but in this time set aside I can experience God and can say that He is my portion. Amen. And that He satisfies me. (perhaps my dreams are the confirmation of the spiritual reality, God is feeding my soul).
I desire to behold God, though I know my heart is dark. I want the light of His truth to flood my mind cascading into my soul. I want to be transformed by the renewing of mind in this way. Then I will know the will of God, His good and perfect will and be able to walk in it confidently.
This I cry to God today...
There are many who seek God and are much greater than I. I have nothing to my name and seem as a nobody. I am weary from work and raising children. What good am I to the church of God? What can I offer? What time? What money? I have little but hope.
Yet I will see the dawn. I will grasp onto this...that my eternal, majestic, wealthy, glorious Father loves me and is pleased to have me live this day and breathe this breath. I will pursue Him and know that He holds my destiny in His hands no matter how great or how small it may be. It is perfect and precious to Him. Our destiny begins when we decide to bear the image of the Christ in us today. For the world cannot see Christ with their naked eyes, but they can see us and Christ can be revealed to them. There is no greater calling than this and let God increase and decrease us in future seasons.
Fasting has brought me to a stillness that was neglected. Also it has brought a newfound regularity of prayer and daily reflection. I pray on my balcony every morning and even through the night hours. The Bible often refers to day and night prayer being effective and pentative. Though with children I can say that prayer times are not always as routine as I would like, but I thank God to have made any time at all. *smile